I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i now understand why vodka
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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