my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
