I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
