How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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