I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
