I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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