I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
