White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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