almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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