Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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