hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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