My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
