There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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