please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
