party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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