Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
