Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
