Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
