You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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