OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
