toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
id be glad to
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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