I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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