yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
