We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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