Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
