Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
