I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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