Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drake has all the answers
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
