My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
