I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize