evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
