did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
