I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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