I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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