i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
