Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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