remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just invented taco cereal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
