did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
