Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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