Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FUCK WHALES
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