I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
someone owes me an orgasm
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
