he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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