Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
