Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
