a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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