pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
