Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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