I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
