i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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