If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
