And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
