Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
