Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
