i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
