And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
