nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
