I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
