I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
