I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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