how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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