I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
