i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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