Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
