Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
