I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
