he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
